| entanglement of the souls |
[Oct. 23rd, 2007|10:57 am] |
Have been in London for a month. Found a flat to rent last weekend. it is about 420 pound per month. still too expansive, but it is the best flat we can get with the limit of our budget. going to move in with two friends and make the place our HOME..... glad the househunting war finally over, haven't have a beer with the comarades just yet.
do you know, it is getting pretty cold in london. I love my pockets because that i have place to keep hands warm. I went to a park with marina and ego during the weekend... picnic under golden sunshine of the midday. lazy... i am. drinking cider and eating salad pasta. posponed writing letters and researching for course work, sorry, again, whispering to myself on livejournal land .
longing, singing, silly things... much things in live.
"I've had enough of sleepless nights, of my unspoke grief, of my tired wisdom. Come my treasure, my breath of life come and dress my wounds and be my cure. Enough of words. Come to me without a sound. " rumi |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2007|08:55 am] |
The War on Democracy
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3739500579629840148
- a documentory about struggle in Latine america to fight for their own independence. and how the U.S. goverment impose violence and oppression on Latine america nations.
awakening and shocking
a interview with John Pilger
www.venezuelanalysis.com/analysis/2363 |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|07:22 pm] |
just come from a 35 oC place to a 14 oC place.
fuckin cold... i want a sauna! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|09:49 am] |
我該如何做，才能減少你我之間的距離?
我知道這跟實際上的距離沒有太大的關係
我們心靈上的距離逐漸的在疏遠
距離太近， 沒法呼吸
距離太遠， 失落孤寂自己扛
但距離，這真有關係嗎? 既然我還能在這兒用閒暇的空隙 以理性的方式的說距離的痛苦
我是不是太閒了?
會覺得， 怎麼會花這麼多時間來想你我過去的事?
你還會花時間來想我嗎？
這時，身邊長輩們的數落讓我反省很多
生活上的小事情，像是塗奶油在土司上都做不好了，還怎能去愛一個人呢?
還有很多事情還沒做呢: 畫四張蘇格蘭河的圖畫，把去義大利和去划船的事整理成書，把安納奇的理論畫或寫成一篇短篇故事，回朋友信，很多拖了很久都沒回的信需要回。 回倫敦前，希望能把這些事情都做好，可是好笑的是，今天和昨天我還很熱衷的想要偽裝成中國的考古學機構再寫一封信給你，說不定能逃過你家人信件檢查那一關。
但，為這個流水帳再加上一筆，神經病!
我問自己，這真的是為愛做的嗎？
還是太閒了？
這事兒沒做，其他事情也做不成
因為要做其他事兒時都不知為何
不過，我也不必要怪在因為想你
說著說著好像死了個人一樣
朋友圍繞著，成為精神上的支柱
告訴我，生活還是要持續下去阿
可是我就是缺朋友，沒人告訴我這些話
只好自己告訴自己
說，
這不是又可悲，又很神經病
今天想著你和我說想再抽大麻的事
我在你身旁時，不只沒法幫你戒
說不定還給了你壓力所以抽的更多
最後我還跟你一起抽了
我不夠堅強，和你在一起沒法成為支柱
我當然希望自己會變成那個堅強的人，然後在一起
不過，你還會有意願嗎? |
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| a letter from ali, the very only |
[Aug. 16th, 2007|12:08 am] |
hello friends of far and near.
it was a week ago now that four dishevelled shapes came off the inverness train, tired but aglow, from a pilgrimage-like journey by open canoe from fort william to inverness. i leapt south almost immediately for more vso training, into a different pattern of days. today i am meant to be packing away all of my things for parentmobile thats in edinburgh to take south. but this morning neng sent some photos, and they tickled me into writing some things for those who sponsored me in money terms. i wanted to share them with you, and also to let those in edinburgh know ill be here again from the 17th to the 26th-ish of this month, and want to go camping somewhere easy-to-get to, maybe cammo by crammond, with as many of you as possible and your musical yum-food-making inspiring-chat-causing comfortableness on the weekend of 24th-26th. i hope you can come or/and that nice times can be had together in the week before.
we returned, anya, neng, kato and me, cheeks burning from sunburn and chuffed pride, from the Famous Cross-Scotland Canoe Mission. anya claimed the muscle that had grown in her arm had curled around her neck and would soon be talking. neng's back may take some weeks of gentle recovery. kato's strong hugs have got evidently stronger, and she could now pick up several adults at once and swing them like cats.
me, i somehow didnt really have signs of the journey marked on me, not bigger muscles or new ones, only one little blister and a distinct hard-work smell that was comfy and nice in the constant fresh air and undesirable only on entering the city. washing always feels sad at the end of a trip that is loved. i dont want to wash it away. i want it close on my skin, at the surface.
neng once wrote me: 'travel for the reason of love, and love is the start point of many other experiments of life.'
this journey began less of love than of a wayward sort of halfimagined dream of mine, years ago, to paddle and stop, and paddle and stop, and get tired from physical activity, see the world from water, and do this with friends.
it came to fruit with unexpected haste from my commitment to do it raising money for vso, anya's restless feeling and the readiness of kato and neng to reach and grab a moving opportunity.
we realised quickly, from the advices of past-paddle pals, that it was not going to be a holiday in the expected sense of easy riding. we decided we were likely to show ugly monsters of frustration discomfort and fatigue. we agreed an elaborate silly arm gesture to indicate said state. we braced ourselves.
and it was a kind of immediate transformation. love came by the doing. we felt it from the begining. pushing away rockingly from the dock at banavie, i was ignited by a kind of disbelieving glee that we were actually doing it. much of our laughter was just about this, finding ourselves in a kind of unexpected story book, strawberry or mango-fresh, a kind of hyper-place and spiral-open-time that we experienced, bright and new and tasted all through our senses, and which we made ourselves.
"god im SO JEALOUS OF MYSELF FOR BEING HERE!!"
the skin and veins of high waves on loch ness, the sound of paddles in the stillness of canals. genteel british canal culture with its mown lawns, lock-side banter and leisurely tortoises (people and cuddle-loving reptiles). encounters with strangers who provided bounteously and memorably, from wolverhampton motorbikers who gave us a giant breakfast to wee petey the toothless skipper who advised us about marriage and happiness and gave us waterbound shelter for our night at inverness in a 1937 built fifer fishing boat.
nights varied from canal-sides under bunting twee-brilliantness to jagged ness-side rocks, and we broke into urquart castle via loch ness at night and cooked a fine dinner and camped, like waterbound visitors before us, just beyond the view of its portcullis. weather varied across a rainbow spectrum of wind, wetness and colour. stowaways included ticks, slugs, a strange little fourlegged worm-beast and even a mouse.
some randomly ordered photos of the trip are on http://s195.photobucket.com/albums/z150/nengyu/highland/?start=all
embodied sensual beings!! embrace your conditions!!! steer paddle float and be aware of the wind and the flow.
enjoy the journey
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|02:54 pm] |
tomorrow! 77 miles canoe trip from fort william to inverness
http://maps.google.com/maps?saddr=Fort+William,+PH33,+UK&geocode=&daddr=inverness&f=d&hl=en&sll=56.840147,-5.109673&sspn=0.074928,0.246506&ie=UTF8&ll=57.097468,-4.833984&spn=1.190578,3.944092&z=8&om=1
i didn't plan it, ali planed it. she is going to live in cambodia for 14 month! it is her dream to cross scotland, i'm happy to be part of it.
i just learnt how to do cat kiss- close/blink your eyes in front of a cat means that you are a friend and you give your trust to the cat.
i just know about the painter ...marc chagall 1887-1985, he paint how he feels.. and he said - "only love interest me, i'm only incontact with things revolved around love.... if i create things from heart, nearly everything works; if from head, almost nothing."
and a sentence... label are for bottles, not people
that is my life so far |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2007|12:37 pm] |
so in italian book shop... almost 80% book is forgien, in france ... 70%... in england 10% -- statistic from serena
i dont know how i could associate the similarity between taiwan and italy, probably the hot weather.. and alot more. i don't know if the reason i like italy.. especially rome.. so much, is because i am missing home
in forte prentistina, i make some friends in the china in movement event . there was a experimental band called wonderful pharmacy, and we chat and had a good time together. i met tania, and i stay in her house in the last 3 days i was in rome.
the last few days i spend with Sarah goes like this... i was angry with her and she was angry with me ....Monday not talking much. i was relaxed, or a bit detached from Sarah. in the evening we separate, she went to her friends party and i went to find Tania's house. Tuesday i didn't show up at the place where we agreed to meet up and i didn't want to ride in her car instead i ride on bicycle disappear in the street of ciampino. managed to piss her off, i took the car with her to the lake. on the way there i saw some scenery that i saw in the first day when i arrived in Italy... the grape trees and small roads, i feel like crying because of the closure of my trip...and it was 6 hours of arguments with Sarah beside the lake... me feeling unfairness.. she ask me how i felt that i want the relationship to be. i said to her that i love her, and i don't want to break up with her... that is how i feel. she said that she don't want to broke up either.... she feel the distance is a killer. yes, she with the boy is a long distance relationship as well, pescara and rome...we discussed that we both don't like text message and emails...
although nothing is certain when we are apart, we didn't make any rules to restrain each other.. but i strongly feel loved and that probably make me grown up a bit... i don't feel like wagging my tails at other girls so far. the second day with Sarah finished at a park between Rome and ciampino, not being able to find a place to make love. and the final day end up in the ciampino airport, we think that we will meet up again, and next time will rent a room like old people... so we can make love again... not in unsatisfying strange places ..
thats is the finish of story in Italy... |
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| i am not sure what i can do. |
[Jul. 11th, 2007|04:34 pm] |
it has been long time, that i sit in front of a computer for 2 and half hours like this. i was trying to write some emails too. but i just cant write anything. i give up, so i switch to livejournal and start writing.
i found out on the internet that tonight in Forte Prenestino social centre (www.forteprenestino.net) will have a conference about china in movement. the night includs spech, playing ping pong and singing kareoke? i am not sure because everything is in italian on their website. but that is what i will do tonight i guess, go there and try to find out what it is.
so i have been in italy for 3 weeks, the plan to learn italian didnt work out so much. i understand very little italian. but i bought a chinese- italian dictionary tho. i found italian book shops are very interesting. there are more authours from different countries, i found many author from japan and china. but i dont read, you know, i dont know what they have writen. so just looking at pictures, i saw some picture on the wall has oriental faces, i guess they are some important writers that i dont know. ahhh, why i am so ignorant and stupid? anyways, neng, stop.
so that you know i cant really speak, or my reasoning is not functioning well these days. oh fuck. my brain just fall on the floor... i have to pick it up, oh oh, no, i just lost my eyes too... i cant see.
yesterday afternoon, i went to a social centre called something like circular artistic but they officially called Ex - Snia Viscosa on 173 Via Prenestina. and i fixed a bicycle. so i can ride it untill i left italy. it is red with white tires, ace. i ride to meet sarah in her university, and take her to the train station to catch a train. she had a headache yesterday. she said to me - i feel like dieing, this is the last day of my life, and this is the last time you can tell me something. so tell me! - and i am silent, dont know what i too say... really i dont know what to say! sorry. i am not a good girlfriend i guess.
then i ride my bike to another social centre called 32. there was gun shot in front of it 2 hours ago before i arrived. so the computer run out of battery i have to go now. neng. really retarted today. or always? shit! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2007|07:36 pm] |
so now i'm in school watching graduation show of music students and photography students.
the last picture i saw was a picture of a blind lady. the photographer type out the story behind this pic on a piece of paper. make a picture of who we want to remember. make a piture of our friends.
how the blind lady record her friends is by touching all over her friends- the photographer said.
i have a vision to record. and a camera.
me? i have a camera and a vision and hands. but i don't want to record anything. don't know what is the point. or maybe i just afriad? oh well, i'm writing this journal now that means, whether i like or not, i'm recording, i feel the nessasity..that i am still exist. recording happily,
happily, i finished my assignment.
happily, i go and get drunk two nights in the row with my classmate.
happily, i mix drinking beer with red wine and white wine so
happily, i shit 5 times + today
happily, i slept in the sun for 2 hours in a park
happily, i went stocking for the food co-op
happily, i cleaned under neath my bed and i'm moving out the house
happily, i went to the italian embassy and i can get my visa next monday
blah blah blah |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2007|10:34 am] |
it is a world of dog eats dog, cat eats cat. man bites dog. not dog bites cats.
I'm really confused by my mistakes. |
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| future is bright |
[May. 8th, 2007|10:56 am] |
horray I'm going to italy! 20th june to Roma to stay with sarah for a week, and then 27 probably visit serena in bologna and then wondering around a little bit more in Europe until
august 17, 18, 19 is going to be LadysRock!UK
www.myspace.com/rocknrollcampforgirlsuk
I help it as my work placement project
working on it right now, so lazy i am |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2007|09:47 am] |
Yes, i met a special miss~~~ and felt in love~~ and everything become so bright now... we made songs and stories and we made love. then she gone back to rome and went swimming with her friend in a lake. it is a special love story. so i will just keep it in mine brain...
i get fired in work placement after just working there one day by the way... the reason is they say i'm not in the right frame of mind to do office administration work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|01:25 am] |
前兩天已經收到你的小書了 寫得不錯 我還沒看完 不過已經看到錯字了 heater不是hitter 你們老師看你的文章一定常常笑翻天 也看得出來 你對事情漫不經心的樣子或是說不夠謹慎 裡面內容比起以前你的文章更吸引人 算是一種進步
其實人在長大 很多事情要慢慢變得更好 就像我最近在講記憶力這回事 弟弟兩的記億力是我看過小孩屬爛的 很多事情講過就忘 不過想想你爸的記億也很爛 很多時候我是從他的前後談話不同而找出破綻的 所以我要他們兩個練習自己的記億力 這方面是可以練習的
所以你英文單字老是寫錯字 這也是可以練出來的 勤查字典 把對的字記下來 下回忘了再查一遍 多幾遍就自然而然就記住了 每個人的缺點都很多 有的缺點不傷大雅 有的就必須趕快改過不然日後就會出大亂子
其實到我這年紀我也不敢說我都沒有缺點 但我盡量讓自己做到無缺點 也許做得不好 我會繼續努力
上禮拜五六爸爸球隊打外地賽 爸爸安排我做粽子賣球隊當中餐 結果林維德叔叔說要幫我上拍賣網推銷 所以昨天我又去阿嬤家做粽子準備照相
爸的意思要做就要一次做起來 要打廣告要做文化宣傳要跟文化局打關係 睇○o要花多少錢 我不願做這麼冒險的事 而且現在我也沒有添加人手或租場地的打算 我只打算利用我多餘的時間賺點錢 如果上了軌道 土地分回來 我就會考慮比較有規模的做 我屬於比較不譟進的人 我喜歡像爬樓梯一步一步往上爬 這樣感覺比較踏實
看你的小書 讓我很慶幸你能平安回來 下次不要做這種冒險 人沒了就什麼都沒了 你的這種旅行一次就好了 沒有很好的安全保障 寧願有錢有閒再去 增長見識的方法不是旅行才是冒險的唯一方法
有時為自己喊累 為什麼總是碰到跟別人不一樣想法的家人 別人都是乖乖牌 我們家的怎麼都跟別人家的差那麼多 所以看來我要操一輩子的心了 是不是有點命苦
愛你的媽 |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|03:04 pm] |
hiya there,
if you would like to read this zine about my trip to wales, could you write to me please. b_quest9@yahoo.com.tw
i thought there is no need to tell you the great joy i had when i hear from you. but i was wrong. i like you to know that i miss you a great deal.... lets get in touch again xxx
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|02:38 pm] |
I tighten my shoelaces four times this morning, but they keep falling off. This makes me angry with myself and reminds me some new year's greeting I wrote was actually nonsense.
Monika said a good line yesterday. "There are three kinds of people: male, female and flatmates." It makes me smile every time it comes across my mind.
i went to women's cafe yesterday. I am glad to know sally a bit more. she said "this week and the next is going to be most depressing of the year." it makes me smile whenever it comes across my mind. very true, i agree. |
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| Radical |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|12:17 pm] |
I went to the feminist health gathering last weekend.
it was good to sit in circle and discuss topics such as
what is queer? masturbation?
i had breakdown several times when i was alone and when i was in domestic violence workshop. yeah, i don't usually cry in front of people. it was quite good to listen to those conversations because they ease some confusion. and learning something new just basically very spirit lifting.
saturday night's party was fun, dazzling, people express themselves in their own ways. dancing, my post-headbanging effect hurt alot now.
i would like to reclaim those two words into my life, activist & queer
i would like to try if it is possible to do some radical mental health support and youth work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|10:42 pm] |
i'm going to write what happen in last few days.
i finished reading the book vagina monologue this morning. it made me understand a little bit more about the history of Women's movement.
i saw an amazing film called 'mirrormask' last night, after came back from kent. a thoughtful and imaginative film. it is about a girl growing up. it was made in britain in 2005.
i get depressed sometime, because i think i didn't do well enough to communicate.
wasting to much time on thinking if i'm doing the right thing
(thus what i decide to do for new year is going to Glastonbury, and be a proper hippy)
i want to quit smoking because
imayo: you better quit smoking
neng: yeah if i meet somebody i like and she don't want me to smoke i will stop
imayo: you are saying your friends' advices are worth less then the somebody, the special one. and friends like us don't matter.
neng: no i don't mean that...
i miss you, all of you, all of you are all the special ones. sorry i didn't do better to communicate. i will quit smoking because i will start to learn how love you by loving myself first. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|01:54 pm] |
now is holiday! my plan for next 4 weeks
- send family and friend posts
- make animation and website with murual music
- read guy debord - the society of the spectacle
- earn money: work in central computing and in fabric (small chance) and in burnington cafe
- party: 16th sherry's birthday party
- eat well and go out to exhibitions
- do yoga with imayo and write chinese charaters
need to research:
open music archive http://www.openmusicarchive.org/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2006|03:25 pm] |
20 november 3weeks left for school
love beetroot and goji berries!!!!
http://www.detoxyourworld.com/acatalog/goji.html
http://www.lovebeetroot.co.uk/didyouknow.html
thanks kla i got your post!
yesterday i ate so much beetroot and today my pee is red! my poo is purple! i'm so exctied!
i worked in pogo on saturday! make vegan polish cocoa soya cream cakes! amazing!! and i had free goji berries!
work in fareshares and i got free beetroot and parsnips! and i make a new song goes - free vegetable half price vegetables!x5
i met irene on friday! the music event in old operating theatre was amazing!
living with agnieszka and monika is great! alot fun and ranting! and benjamin bennyxx! i love my flatmates!
stressed out about
-school work
-money
-too many cute girls around
21 november
you are gone,
i cook the soup again but i burnt them this time. they taste aweful.
your fool dont wasted
Thursday 23 November 2 weeks left for school
yesterday din with imao, alen, venus, chris and benjamin we made a redicuously sweet cake without any sugar.
and today i did research on the reclaim the street march, because there will be one on saturday this week, and monika had a poster on kitchen cardboard.
my question towards rape, is what constitute as rape, how people define abuse of sex, and violence in different culture and society.
there is something get me confused...
in the indymedia- there is violent debate(?) on violence and on feminism. basically people criticise this event is meaningless feminist propaganda and it is old fashioned http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2005/12/328993.html?c=on#comments
while there is a male voice from indymedia attempt to have a discussion about sexual violence in society, he is criticised again as patronising feminist point of view: rape whilst married was considered acceptable in the U.S. because essentially it was considered that when married the man owned the women.
i'm interested in this kind of value and also other definisions in other cultures towards relationships, and how they affect/condition people's point of view on things, subsiquently form distinctive social functions wich is also changing over time.
in uk feminist website, they have a list of interview from marcher said many view towards woman are oppressive and sexist. and also this website show some statistics of public's ignorance or even misunderstanding on topic sexual violence and rape.
http://www.thefword.org.uk/features/2006/01/women_unite_reclaim_the_night
=.. i lost in waves of words and debates before even think of going to a march on saturday. anybody talk to me please.
squirrel met raven (or a crow?) outside 56a and then left
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| Bryony's visit |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|12:27 pm] |
she brought stories from working in garden in scotland, organize earth first in walse, archeology site in isle of skye. in last few days we've been to 56a's pancake party, class war bonfire in london field, fighting, wresting in parks and doing yoga with imao. her roast vegetable is better then meal in pogo cafe actually. i use to say "send in letters" when i mean " sand in lettuce", now i can tell the difference because of her. soon she will be traveling to france and then spain....
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nengyu's journal